Why is the person I love so mean to me?
When Love Hurts
Abusive relationships are more common than people think. It is important for us to know how to identify an abusive person by their specific characteristics. Better yet, let’s correctly identify what is an abusive person!
An abusive person is a person that enjoys damaging other people’s self-esteem, controls their behaviour, takes away their independence, is disrespectful and extremely selfish. An abusive person uses all types of abuse ranging from: emotional, verbal, physical, sexual, financial and identity. So now that you know what it means to be an abusive person, here are 10 different kinds of personalities they may encompass.
- The Demand Person
This is the type of person that always “wants” but never “gives”. They feel as if they deserve the world and everything else in it. One frequent logic of this person is that others should feel lucky to have this great person even part of their lives! They demand many things from others since they feel entitled to all things the world has to offer. If you don’t provide what they demand (by meeting their self-absorbed and selfish expectations), they will react by making you feel guilty about yourself.
- /Mrs. Right
Mr. /Mrs. Right believe that they are correct about everything. Mr. /Mrs. Right are the new forms of autocrats of 2015. They dictate anything from what you should wear to how you should speak. They try to control everything about you and you better listen because their way is the only correct way to do things. Continuous dictatorship of how you should live your life will make you feel like you aren’t allowed to think or to have your own ideas because it won’t matter if it won’t align with Mr. /Mrs. Right’s thoughts.
- The Water Torturer
The Water Torturer is the type of person that will remain super calm during an argument while they cunningly scorn you. Their actions are so subtle, sly, and psychological that you won’t even understand why you would be upset.
- The Drill Sergeant
The epitome of a controlling person is the Drill Sergeant. The Drill Sergeant will control what you could wear, who you can be friends with, how you should do your job and so forth. They are similar with Mr. /Mrs. Right by trying to control your thoughts but the Drill Sergeant takes it a step further by isolating you in the process. The Drill Sergeant will isolate you from your friends and family leaving you to go to nobody else when in need except them! They do this by verbally abusing you and uttering threats.
- /Mrs. Sensitive
Mr. / Mrs. Sensitive are very deceiving types of people. They usually appear to be gentle and soft-spoke individuals yet underneath the surface they are extremely self-centered and emotionally demanding. It is their terminology that gives this all away; speaking about things that would benefit them more than anyone else.
- The Player
The Player is an occasionally good-looking person but remains forever sexually charming. They flirt a lot and are known to be promiscuous. They aren’t necessarily addicted to sex; they just enjoy having a male/female at their fingertips at any time of the day. They are good at making people feel special, as if they were the only one, but they also keep people on the edge of their seats guessing constantly about what they genuinely mean to the Player.
- Rambo
Rambo’s menacing behaviour proves the love he has for threatening others. It’s not about how they look-that typical macho-ness men aim at portraying- it’s more so about the language they use with others. They degrade females and threaten them in order to feel superiority. It’s more of a verbal thing with them.
- The Victim
This is the type of person that always plays the victim- hence the title given to them. They speak with disgust about their –ex constantly portraying them as the root of all their past relationship problems. These types of people completely abandon the idea that there could have been some wrongdoings on their side and instead present themselves as the person always being blamed for everything. This creates the identity of the victim rather than a perpetrator or an accomplice.
- The Terrorist
This type of characteristic is frightening. Like the Rambo and the Drill Sergeant, these types of people are intimidating, threatening, and controlling. However, the Terrorist has an additional characteristic; they like to instill fear in others. They pray on the weak to assert their powers and watch their victims quiver with fear. They constantly remind their partners and other victims of the fear they can bring upon them by physically hurting them at sporadic times. Unexpected and irregular times of physical abuse will lead victims of the Terrorist to be in fear mode at all times.
- The Mentally Ill or Addicted Abuser
Mental illness or substance abuse is not the root of abuse- it only magnifies the existing problem and/or increases the risk of violence. These individuals have a personality that psychologists most often call either an “anti-social personality disorder” or a “narcissistic personality disorder”. The similarity between both those diagnosed disorders is that the individual will be so self-centered and full of themselves that nothing else matters to them. They think they are the best type of people to exist in this world so when someone dares to criticise something about them, they become outraged and aggressive.
We listed a lot of characteristics and personalities abusers may have. Sometimes they can embody multiple forms of these characteristics while other times they won’t even fit into any of the categories. Relationships will always have good moments but with abusers, those happy moments don’t always last. Abusers produce terrible times that creep up on you throughout your relationship, coming and going whenever they please. It is important to consider the fact that the only way these negative moments will fade is if the abuser seeks therapeutic help. However, seeking therapeutic help for their abusive behaviour is truly a challenging thing to pursue, meaning that change will take time and patience.